I want to sit down and write a thought out post and sent my podcast over the world. But I booze. And I don’t want to take the sober time to do it. I’m sorry 

10/03/2017

Edit: okay. No time to sit in front of the computer and hash things out. But here. I found the draft from yesterday. I found it. Yup yup yup. Also. I recorded a half hour babblefest yesterday. I will get it up. I promise  

This place is getting dusty.  Where did the summer go?  It feels like it was just April 19th.  Well.  Looks like I have a lot to answer for don't I.

Well After my last blog post and I'm not going to sugarcoat this for you people.  There was a lot of booze and pizza.  I'm going to tell you what.  It is easy to fall into old habits and self destructive patterns and thinking. 

It's like one moment I was doing fine, making progress in my world.  Working on my website, working on my body, and working on my mind.  Then one thing leads to another and it rains for a week and look at me.  Progress out the window.

Look.  I'm less than a perfect human.  I do my job eight hours a day five days a week.  But it's what happens before and after work that really count.  Should I get a second job?  Should I be writing?  Should I be getting out there and being more social?  The quick answer is yes.  yes I should be.  There's no other way around it. But it's finding the energy to do it.  Also to not pay attention to impending doom and just focus on the self while there is still something there to maintain. 

Today I went ahead and made a step to change.  I got the ball rolling.  The need for 120 dollars surrounds me engulfs me even.  But it's a waiting game.  I've got what I need.  Now I just need money to send paperwork to someplace.  Can you imagine?  That was one of the reasons why I didn't go to University Of Nebraska Lincoln(which is slowly eating Lincoln Whole, but that's another story) I don't understand these application processes.  it's just paper.  It's just paper and I don't care what lies you have to tell yourself, the money is meaningless paper as well.  Anyway I'm waiting for money is what I'm trying to say.  Anyway, we'll talk again soon.  I promise. 

I wish I could type more from what I see on the news.  I wish I can write something thoughtful on what I see everyday.  But It's so volatile, maybe it's best for me to save what I think about the news for the podcast.  Because I don't like knee Jerk Reactions and I especially don't like them in type.  Because it all can be misinterpreted.  So Maybe I'll save to comments for my podcast.  Or not.  So what.  What's bad is bad.

Andyhoo.  What can I say.  I disappeared for months.  I'm sorry.  I let you all down.  My contract is to keep you updated with the goings on and I have been denying the rules of the contract and for that I am sorry. 

But I wrote a blog earlier and it didn't take so this is what you get today.

You'll hear from me again soon, I promise.