There was this Deer who lived by my apartment who spent all spring and summer watching me. Not running. Just defiantly staring at me as if it had only a fight response ready in case I wanted to rumble. U did not wish to rumble so I kept my distance.  

That deer was hit by a car over the weekend. It made me sad. Maybe not for the Deers passing. But what it symbolizes in my mind. This adult deer spent all year being afraid of me. Daring me to test it. When I wasn't the one to be afraid of. It was the river of screaming metal it should have been afraid of.  

It makes me realize my own fears. Fear of failure, fear of unconditional love, fear of making new friends, fear of taking risks, and so many other fears(I want to label them as paralizations but I will refrain). These fears cause me to freeze mentally and leave my body as rigid as a guitar string, when I should be afraid of the isolation I cause myself, fear of the alcohol I Introduce into my body, and the fatty grease I consume. It's just as backwards as that deer being afraid of me and not the thunderous screaming river she so readily crossed.  

How's that?  I have more thoughts. I'll tell you tomorrow.  

Take care

-E-