At that, the place of where I do my business, there’s these young kids (Around nineteen  ) started dating last spring. And the boy would follow the girl around like a puppy dog. My coworker and I both would make ignorant comments to each other about them. Which was none of our business, but it made us laugh and made the day pass. 

Well. The boy looked disheveled yesterday and My coworker informed me that the girl is now Facebook officially single. And I laughed louder thank I should have. Because I knew it was coming that boy is now a man. No longer seeing with puppy dog eyes. The girl later came in that night with her mudder and she was dressed to the nines. Because that is what happens and I’m a guy in my early thirties still disheveled.  

A boy has to go through that. You can look at it with the anxiety of a mother taking her baby to get her vaccinations, the fear of her baby being in pain. Or you could cuff them on the chin and tell them they did what they could. Try again big shot.  

But my laugh was stupidly loud. The man didn’t hear me. But this morning I thought about my own bitterness and anxiety. I think I’ve never had real closure on my ex cheating on me in my early twenties. And now being alone I know I’ve never gotten over how much it drove me into the dirt. And now too much time has passed and too much has happened that I can’t ever get closer on it.  

So when I laugh at break ups or mock a new relationship. It’s because of my own fear. Its like if I hear about a parachutist dying I can tell myself that is why I don’t take risks and I’m vindicated until the next incident. 

Or maybe I’m just an asshole.  

Take care

-E-