Sitting here in Lincoln at this, the place of my birth, one the day after Thanksgiving.  cupacoffee on my right, a bottle of water on my left.  Behind that bottle of water is a Hershey's Syrup bottle with the lid flipped open.  I'm not sure.  But if I had to surmise what is going on with that is that my nephew was allowed to drink out of the top like it was a water bottle.  Which may be wrong.  Someone may have had milk last night.  

Family is a tough sell for me.  I participate because it is what is required of me.  But the anxiety permeates through me.  My mom has been asking for a Grandchild from me.  I don't know if she's serious.  I hope she's not serious.  I have no desire.  I met my Niece and she's scared of me, which I'm fine with.  But She pooped twice.  Now I know if it is your child, cleaning up poop is no problem.  But still.  I don't want to do that.  Listen to Bob Dylan's "That ain't me you're looking for babe."

My Grandma and Aunt stopped by.  My Grandma is Ninety-Two and her memory is slipping.  But she's okay.  My Father and Aunt didn't think she was going to make it to this year.  But She's got some strong stock.  My Mom's side has strong genes as well,  But they generally don't take care of themselves well. (I.E the Hershey's syrup bottle).  My Aunt is still astounded by my poor spending habits,  she doesn't understand why I don't want to make a sandwich and eat half, and save the other half until the next day.  

My father tried to throw his politics into the air. But no one bit.  His news comes from the Drudge report.  So most of the things he says can easily be fact checked using snopes or a google search.  (i.e no go zones in France) I totally understand the fear of the other.  I even have it to a lesser extent.  And am trying to iron that out of my mind.  But he's easy to argue with.  He won't get his hackles raised very easily.

My mom is still watching the same crime shows she's been watching for the last ten years.  She should get a job as a detective by now.  She knows how to solve every crime imaginable.  

As for me.  I just got paid, so my money is burning a hole through my pocket.  I'll try to refrain.  

Andyhoo,

Take care,

-E-

At that, the place of where I do my business, there’s these young kids (Around nineteen  ) started dating last spring. And the boy would follow the girl around like a puppy dog. My coworker and I both would make ignorant comments to each other about them. Which was none of our business, but it made us laugh and made the day pass. 

Well. The boy looked disheveled yesterday and My coworker informed me that the girl is now Facebook officially single. And I laughed louder thank I should have. Because I knew it was coming that boy is now a man. No longer seeing with puppy dog eyes. The girl later came in that night with her mudder and she was dressed to the nines. Because that is what happens and I’m a guy in my early thirties still disheveled.  

A boy has to go through that. You can look at it with the anxiety of a mother taking her baby to get her vaccinations, the fear of her baby being in pain. Or you could cuff them on the chin and tell them they did what they could. Try again big shot.  

But my laugh was stupidly loud. The man didn’t hear me. But this morning I thought about my own bitterness and anxiety. I think I’ve never had real closure on my ex cheating on me in my early twenties. And now being alone I know I’ve never gotten over how much it drove me into the dirt. And now too much time has passed and too much has happened that I can’t ever get closer on it.  

So when I laugh at break ups or mock a new relationship. It’s because of my own fear. Its like if I hear about a parachutist dying I can tell myself that is why I don’t take risks and I’m vindicated until the next incident. 

Or maybe I’m just an asshole.  

Take care

-E- 

I’m a person who loves getting into a conspiracy. I have a couple websites I go to. I have a couple friends who love talking about it. More than three ‘me tinks’. It’s wonderful good vs. evil. Us versus them. There’s something rotten in the state of Denmark. But what else is there?

like Pizzagate seems very intriguing. I find it so intriguing that my autocorrect automatically lights up when I type piz’ with Pizzagate. But at the end of the day what can you do?  What if you wake up and know all the facts about all the conspiracy theories out there. Then what?  You still have to take a dump and go to work. It’s fun to speculate but at the end of the day “You’re out of your element Donny”. Sure. What if there is a cabal feasting upon children’s pituitary glands underneath comet ping pong, what can a “overfed long haired leaping gnome” like me do if I know it as fact?

one thing I do know: listening to YouTube videos about Pizzagate triggers me into wanting pizza. And oh my God. In the last three years I’ve lived on my own. I have eaten so much Pizza. But aside from that. Once people bring bible verses into conspiracy videos, I’m done watching them.  

Also. Look up creepy Joe Biden videos. Cringe worthy.  

Thats all for now

take care, 

-E-